niledawk | Recent Entries

(i wrote this on tumblr as a response to some shitty post that was making the rounds, something along the lines of "haha all the books i find in the bookstore are about cis white relationships why would i ever want to buy those, i have fanfic!" the entire theme of the post seemed to be "thanks for trying, writers, but online i have these magical stories that appear out of thin air that are inclusive and engaging and free!" at least that's where my brain, which tends to extrapolate it, took the meaning. because i extrapolate too much)

(when drafting this post at work that day i had LIKE FIVE MORE PARAGRAPHS i eventually edited out that went more into the psychology of writing and creating an engaging and believable world, and why that's not always conducive to the sort of social networking writers are "expected" to do in order to make it big, but anyway...)

(i deleted the post after less than a day because i was like "no, that's really stupid and ranty and indulgent so, bye)

(but i like to think i have the experience and legs to stand on, in fandom and in the writing scene, that i've earned my right to get a little ranty)

( Read more... )

Current Mood: rushed
Current Music: AKB48 - "Eien Pressure"
Crossposts: http://danchou.livejournal.com/1433.html

This must be what they call the pesky drafting process...

The main thing that was bugging me from the middle point of writing HAS was that I was writing it for a fic audience and, of course, I wanted to make that audience happy. You can't do that by taking huge character risks or even hinting at a challenging ending, a lot of the time. Or, it's very difficult to do so. Especially because what I was wanting to do sort of went against the character grain, making it even more difficult to justify.

HAS kind of rubbed me the wrong way because it seemed to glorify the bad choices that were made and provided an easy answer -- too easy. And yet it seemed like, throughout the whole thing, my subconscious was pushing at another angle.

So yesterday while editing it kind of hit me that I can do that now, and follow the trajectory I want the story to have. Still along the same lines, definitely, and preferably with the same "reveal" at the end, but coupling that with another reveal...

Simply put, Ian has already died somewhere along the line in the story, and the rest is Aidan's subconscious mind. The Tall Man/angel of death/whatever you wanna call him is probably a manifestation of this.

Now I just need to unpack the following before attempting a restructure of the scenes:

- Did Aidan premeditate killing Ian, whom he refers to several times in the early scenes as his "demon", seeing that as the only way to free himself? The foreshadowing of this is, imo, already there for the most part

- Were the trip to France and the hidden identities all going to be a front for that crime? *shudders*

- Was Ian then killed by the intruder who first entered the room, prompting a complete disconnect/psychological schism in Aidan's mind, in which he supplanted the desire to kill Ian with a desire to kill himself, blocking out certain facts and completely reinterpreting others, presenting his case desperately, claiming he was only thinking about his daughter but still being extremely fucking selfish?

- If this is the case, when will the truth be revealed?If I can finesse it well enough I'd like for Aidan to finally have reached acceptance at one point, by the time The Tall Man returns in the "epilogue" scene, and to mention it vaguely but definitely, the way my favorite, most subtle horror/thriller authors do. Japanese horror style, basically. Natsuo Kirino style, Otsuichi style.

It would mean rewriting a LOT of the story, but the good news is: it's a short story, anyway. And it would only mean rewriting the present-tense stuff. The story came to life in less than a month, so it's understandable, I think, that the full drafting/redrafting process take some more time. Still, I'm starting to think, with those added elements of psych horror/moral crossroads, it'll be a lot more interesting...!!! And definitely it's the sort of story I've always wanted to write.

What do you guys think about that?

Crossposts: http://danchou.livejournal.com/1203.html

i changed my sidebar because i feel like this picture represents me on a deep level that i can't ignore

Current Mood: artistic
Current Location: the couch
Current Music: Mystikal - Bouncin' Back

AN INTRODUCTION TO FUCKING DRAGONS, aka TIOPA

First of all you’re probably asking, unless you’ve been following my Tumblr relentlessly and check tags, how did this story come to be known as Fucking Dragons? Additionally you might be thinking is that the real title? NO IT IS NOT THE REAL TITLE. Fucking Dragons is the joke working title that came about once I started tooling with the story beyond the Harem A/U it began as.

Oh, yeah, this began as Harem A/U.

The endlessly beautiful and talented and kinky Tumblr user kittypistol, aka Cat, happened to reblog a piece of art by Tumblr user artcrystals featuring Emperor Erwin and courtesan Levi. Being who we are, we went with it. Being who we are x10, we also made a trashy a/u around it in which everyone fucks and nobody dies.

I decided “I’m going to turn this into a fic lol”. World building is something I love doing. So I went with the world building. Two days later I had mythology, a basic aesthetic, and a MAP of the empire I decided to call Tiopa. I published the first chapter of “Fortune Favors”.

Within another few days I decided “no. This is too good. This goes beyond Shingeki no Kyojin, and I incorporate dragons, and this is just too good to remain a fic because –“ this is where the little electrifying whisper came into my brain “—this might be able to be my next published story.”

So I deleted “Fortune Favors” and started to plot and develop this Tiopa story in earnest. I made a post or two about it and still didn’t have a title, but I kept exclaiming “FUCKING DRAGONS!” in the tags because I am so hype about having dragons in a story I’m writing. Dragons are a thing I’ve always wanted to write about. So then my tags one day basically went #this story still doesn’t have a title but #fucking dragons #actually that could be the title

A tag, and a working title, was born. Because I’m fucking hilarious.

~~I’ll probably end up calling it something like “Thousand” or just “Tiopa” because I’m also fucking unimaginative with titles.~~ I’m gonna call it Tiopa.

I reassigned all of the SnK babbus their new Tiopan names, came up with places and concepts, and went to work on the plot. Some shards of canon (and sometimes fanon) personalities are intact, but I sincerely hope they’ve become their own characters.

The plot of Fucking Dragons is based a lot in the mythology of the world of Tiopa and the discovery of the mythology of the world of Tiopa. More clearly: the history the people of Tiopa think they’re so up to speed with at the beginning of the story isn’t entirely accurate, and through a hearty round of intrigue, death, discovery, and lots of sex, the truth is revealed.

Essentially, though, here it is in a few easy sentences: Lascien, the Emperor of Tiopa, and his Imperial High Courtesan/Consort Veyn take on three new courtesans for the palace. At the same time, the Senate of Tiopa is polled to fund an expedition of the empire’s oldest, largest, and long-condemned prison Uneldiy, where keys to the lost language of the Tios (aka dragons) may be buried. The expedition is approved and funded, and one of the courtesans, Matien, is found to have a clear affinity for translation and, perhaps, the language of the Tios. He is sent along on the expedition, setting off a series of events that brings ancient secrets to light and culminates in the reformation of Tiopa’s mythical Great Thread, in a way no myth ever predicted.

Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.

So I decided to just delete my main Twitter today. It's not that I'm particularly dissatisfied with anyone, it's just that I hate to feel left out and that's how I've felt. Not "unwanted", particularly, just unnecessary. Like I'm not an integral part of anyone's day, and with friendships changing so strangely I've been in a weird flux between jealousy and paranoia and forcing myself to move on.

I guess a lot of it still comes back to the snafu from last month, all the gossip and tensions. I can't help but feel like there's a target on my back, and when the littlest thing changes or the slightest thing seems awkward or awry, my immediate reaction is paranoia because I feel like gossip is being spread. I forget, even after All These Years, that fandom is an organic thing, a thing people seek out for entertainment and escape and happiness, and that the friendships built within fandom are often forged for the same reasons. I just get really attached, really easily, and it hurts me deeply when things change and I end up taking it out in destructive ways. So I've learned that the best policy for me is still just walking away before I behave like too much of an infant. I know the friendships that matter and I know they'll survive but it's weird when I know that even IRL friendships are difficult for me to keep.

I live in a nomad state, I don't have a heartplace so I usually either go Completely Independent -or- Attach Myself Ridiculously.

When someone's willing to put up with all my bullshit to help me work on that, it'll be obvious, but I just feel over and over like fandom isn't where I'm gonna find it. I'm optimistic, though, and I always try.

So yeah, there's nothing really cataclysmic or terrible about my hiatus on Twitter and Tumblr, I'm just trying to give myself some time. On the whole you can't surround yourself with things that highlight your lonely feelings.

Anyway, thought I'd post up a small explanation :B EVERYONE ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!

Current Mood: drained
Current Music: coworker talking

Got around to adding a "nice" layout to the

tiopa account, and in the process added a little header blurb: beauty so massive and alarming, the sun itself fell as his rival. Drawing from the mythology of the Great Dragons, it just has me thinking... if Narek created the Great Dragons just to keep her company, it would make sense that she herself would be the most massive and frightening and glorious. Unless this is linked.

Unless this is the reason Narek fell so suddenly weak and had to shed physical form.

What if... after being exiled, Narek's plan was to mount revenge against those who exiled her, so she put the most energy and magic she could into the creation of a servant capable of doing this, using the only resources she had: her own power, and the mountains.

The result was Elumscien, who was a hulking hellbeast of a familiar that blotted out the sun and could probably lay a small city to waste with, like, a tail swipe. But Elumscien was also product of Narek's negative emotions -- vengeance, vanity, myopia, etc. Before Elumscien could even be directed by the Elder Dragon to do anything, he got into a bullying match with the fucking sun and ate it because it was a threat to his beauty.

At this point, Narek, weakened, saw the error of her ways and split Elumscien in two. The negative and positive aspects were split between the new creations -- Elumhadey and Rehescien -- though they would always be halves of the same whole, dependent. From that failed experiment, Narek became determined (or so the story goes) to build an empire of her own, a clutch of offspring to help her return to the free lands in triumph rather than vengeance.

Cue the curses, the thousands, Kasciy and Alteyrn and the Wasp Queen and all sort of Tios mythos goodness. Eventually cue Tiopa itself.

But really I just wanted to jot down and work out why Elumscien would've been so insanely massive and powerful. Oh yeah, old god vengeance is hella strong.

Maybe in ensuing books I'll get around to why Narek was exiled in the first place.

*whispers* Nel form for Narek, though... *vibrates*

Current Mood: awake

This is mostly because I think we're in this to get to know each other and potentially get the gears turning again on what "social journaling" even entails -- it's been a long time for me, I know! So I mentioned on Twitter doing a little survey thing. Good conversation starter, maybe we can get to know each other a bit, plus it'll fill up a journal entry for ya, so why not?

Here are the questions so you don't have to c/p all my answers and get rid of them too!

01. Name You Go By:
02. Age:
03. Do you have pets?:
04. Talk about something that's currently worrying/bugging you:
05. Talk about something that's currently, on the other hand, making you happy:
06. Favorite song right now at this very moment:
07. What's your favorite snack?
08. Tell a story about your family.
09. What's your favorite movie of all-time?
10. Who are your idols?

( haha i remember when i had to get used to calling these readmores )

OKAY GUYS POST YOUR OWN SURVEYS (I'm not going to STOP YOU from doing it in the comments but post a new entry so we can talk about YOU in your comments, yo!)

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Location: living room
Current Music: Portlandia

Look at this basic beige-ass theme/style/layout/whatever, I need to get on fixing this up a lil' bit.

Until then, here is a holder entry so I can see how it looks.

Greetings, nerds.

v e e z u s

[muffled rap music playing in the distance]

006. the writing soapbox rant

005. OH SHIT (it's a good thing)

004. new sidebar

003. i swear rika asked

002. rash decisions but maybe not idek

001. now hold on a minute...

000. survey!

hello dreamwidth i am here

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