002. rash decisions but maybe not idek

So I decided to just delete my main Twitter today. It's not that I'm particularly dissatisfied with anyone, it's just that I hate to feel left out and that's how I've felt. Not "unwanted", particularly, just unnecessary. Like I'm not an integral part of anyone's day, and with friendships changing so strangely I've been in a weird flux between jealousy and paranoia and forcing myself to move on.

I guess a lot of it still comes back to the snafu from last month, all the gossip and tensions. I can't help but feel like there's a target on my back, and when the littlest thing changes or the slightest thing seems awkward or awry, my immediate reaction is paranoia because I feel like gossip is being spread. I forget, even after All These Years, that fandom is an organic thing, a thing people seek out for entertainment and escape and happiness, and that the friendships built within fandom are often forged for the same reasons. I just get really attached, really easily, and it hurts me deeply when things change and I end up taking it out in destructive ways. So I've learned that the best policy for me is still just walking away before I behave like too much of an infant. I know the friendships that matter and I know they'll survive but it's weird when I know that even IRL friendships are difficult for me to keep.

I live in a nomad state, I don't have a heartplace so I usually either go Completely Independent -or- Attach Myself Ridiculously.

When someone's willing to put up with all my bullshit to help me work on that, it'll be obvious, but I just feel over and over like fandom isn't where I'm gonna find it. I'm optimistic, though, and I always try.

So yeah, there's nothing really cataclysmic or terrible about my hiatus on Twitter and Tumblr, I'm just trying to give myself some time. On the whole you can't surround yourself with things that highlight your lonely feelings.

Anyway, thought I'd post up a small explanation :B EVERYONE ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!

003. i swear rika asked

 AN INTRODUCTION TO FUCKING DRAGONS, aka TIOPA

First of all you’re probably asking, unless you’ve been following my Tumblr relentlessly and check tags, how did this story come to be known as Fucking Dragons? Additionally you might be thinking is that the real title? NO IT IS NOT THE REAL TITLE. Fucking Dragons is the joke working title that came about once I started tooling with the story beyond the Harem A/U it began as.

Oh, yeah, this began as Harem A/U.

The endlessly beautiful and talented and kinky Tumblr user kittypistol, aka Cat, happened to reblog a piece of art by Tumblr user artcrystals featuring Emperor Erwin and courtesan Levi. Being who we are, we went with it. Being who we are x10, we also made a trashy a/u around it in which everyone fucks and nobody dies.

I decided “I’m going to turn this into a fic lol”. World building is something I love doing. So I went with the world building. Two days later I had mythology, a basic aesthetic, and a MAP of the empire I decided to call Tiopa. I published the first chapter of “Fortune Favors”.

Within another few days I decided “no. This is too good. This goes beyond Shingeki no Kyojin, and I incorporate dragons, and this is just too good to remain a fic because –“ this is where the little electrifying whisper came into my brain “—this might be able to be my next published story.”

So I deleted “Fortune Favors” and started to plot and develop this Tiopa story in earnest. I made a post or two about it and still didn’t have a title, but I kept exclaiming “FUCKING DRAGONS!” in the tags because I am so hype about having dragons in a story I’m writing. Dragons are a thing I’ve always wanted to write about. So then my tags one day basically went #this story still doesn’t have a title but #fucking dragons #actually that could be the title

A tag, and a working title, was born. Because I’m fucking hilarious.

I’ll probably end up calling it something like “Thousand” or just “Tiopa” because I’m also fucking unimaginative with titles. I’m gonna call it Tiopa.

I reassigned all of the SnK babbus their new Tiopan names, came up with places and concepts, and went to work on the plot. Some shards of canon (and sometimes fanon) personalities are intact, but I sincerely hope they’ve become their own characters.

The plot of Fucking Dragons is based a lot in the mythology of the world of Tiopa and the discovery of the mythology of the world of Tiopa. More clearly: the history the people of Tiopa think they’re so up to speed with at the beginning of the story isn’t entirely accurate, and through a hearty round of intrigue, death, discovery, and lots of sex, the truth is revealed.

Essentially, though, here it is in a few easy sentences: Lascien, the Emperor of Tiopa, and his Imperial High Courtesan/Consort Veyn take on three new courtesans for the palace. At the same time, the Senate of Tiopa is polled to fund an expedition of the empire’s oldest, largest, and long-condemned prison Uneldiy, where keys to the lost language of the Tios (aka dragons) may be buried. The expedition is approved and funded, and one of the courtesans, Matien, is found to have a clear affinity for translation and, perhaps, the language of the Tios. He is sent along on the expedition, setting off a series of events that brings ancient secrets to light and culminates in the reformation of Tiopa’s mythical Great Thread, in a way no myth ever predicted.  

Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.